I faked an abortion last night.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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