I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
