Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
