Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
