He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
