We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
