well I can't set my house on fire every night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
