so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
