She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
