butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
