threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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