Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hippo gnu deer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize