too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
