Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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