you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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