why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?