he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.