Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma