Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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