mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?