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Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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