He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature