he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
