How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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