she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
