I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
