Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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