I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
