i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
