I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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