are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
