some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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