Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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