don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
