You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
