just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
