..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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