Yo dont text me then not text me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
