He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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