who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think my fart just growled at me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
