i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
