i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
