i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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