You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
