I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
