I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.