covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.