I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We're too hungover to prance.