I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.