I wish I could teleport
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
