Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
NoShamevember. You game?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
