well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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