Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
