and next time when you feel me up, do it right
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
