He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
