dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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