I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
