If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
