how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
