this boner is exhausting
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
