When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
