he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
