I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
