I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
