Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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