Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
