I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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