The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize