shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
