oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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