At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
