She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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