Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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