One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
