He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
