YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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